yes the crying is back..... and yes the zoning and stoning is back again.....


maybe it is elevated by the hormones but more or less it is related to the recent happenings in my life....

I did badly for my human geography essay.... a C+.... I'm screwed...I can picture myself having a hot date with the sub-dean Prof. Low and probably an academic warning too...... sighz....

the more heartbreaking situation I'm left now is losing the friendship of a wonderful individual.... I'm left with the guilt of why didn't I pursue a friendship with him even though we broke up? I'm such a heartless bitch..... I deserve to burn in hell..... I thought I was strong and have moved on.... in reality I'm a fragile mess who had not really moved on.... thinking abt it..... I never did have a long relationship with someone after him.... I'm the one clinging on to the past.... I'm the jerk here..... It took me so long to realise..... I kept telling myself..... it'll probably be the best to "Sever" every link I have with him..... but I refuse to acknowledge that fact for I dun want him to forget me as a friend! I just feel so lost now.....

Last sunday, I recieved a call from the least expected person....... I was about to go to sleep preparing for Monday class when an "unknown" no. appear on my phone......


It's a call all the way from London, in a sense it is actually a "forbidden" call.... I'm not suppose to talk to him becoz I'm not to give him any false hope to rely on..... he knows that..... he's been abiding by that but last Sunday he broke all the rules.... I have no idea how he go my no. but it felt so good to have heard from him after all this while...... I couldn't hide it from him.... I cried....


But I had to asked him why did he called me...... we are not suppose to be talking...... he began teling me hat he's been having heavy doses of medication for his condition, and one of them is a drug to treat his insomnia...... he's having side effects from that drug, Halcion (God knows what the hell is that), and he's having temporary amnesia..... he is afraid he forget abt me......


His family, friends and therapist has been encouraging him to continue "forgetting" abt me, abt our past.....they even suggest he goes for hypnotherapy.... where he can "erase" me and our past..... maybe that's the only way he can move on......


I was devastated..... I know I would want him to move on but not forget abt me...... At least I dun care if he were to forget our past when we were a couple but to forget abt the friendship we had? It's cruel on me.... It's selfish of me and contradictory as I so badly want him to move on.... it is bad enough for me that I lost a good friend after the break up.... neither of us pursued to be friends..... that was my greatest regrets...... I lied to him...... I said whatever he takes to move on, I'll support it even if it means I have to be "removed" from his memory...... the more tears rolled down.....


I guessed I lied to myself that I have moved on....in reality I dun think I have...... I was really hoping that we still could be friends..... maybe I was still hoping he would change...... I would be the greatest liar if I never say I missed him......


Forget abt our past relationship as couple I'm all for it....but to forget me as a friend.....it's so cruel! Why? Whay life has to be so unpredictable for me? one moment I was euphoric abt something, another turn of events has to destroy my happiness......


Whatever decision that you make, as much as my heart disagree, as long as you move on.... I'll support you..... if really forgetting abt me is the best medicine for you..... I will still support it.... only I will have the memories of our friendship..... I miss you.....

there's so much I can smile about these days!

1st is iPod nano.... Singnet offer me to do a recontract with them and along with the contract comes a cheaper subscription for a 1500kbps, a free supplementary account, free email virus scanning, free outdoor wireless surfing and of coz free iPod nano!!!!! I can't wait for the iPod nano to be in my hands!!!! YEAH!!!!!!

Second most of my assignments are done and over with! Just left a couple of assignments left for touch up! So I really better start studying soon....... I'm such a lazy ass......hehehehe

3rd..... I dunno these feeling inside me when a particular someone messages me...... I just smile from ear to ear whenever he msgs or calls me..... I dunno.... maybe somethings coming up but I really can't stop smiling with him ard...... we shall see how it goes!

I'm so happy!!!!

yesterday's AED 102 presentation was over and done with! Finally! Then today AED 101 was a success! They like the game! I think they like it..... or not? But Dr. Tan was pleased with the game! WHEW! All the sucking up better work! HAHAHAHAHA

So now left AAG 102 tutorial presentation next tuesday and I'm done! wohooo!

ok check this out..... my past has come to haunt me..... he came back by chatting on MSN with me.... sorry I'm not gonna be the scapegoat gal for your failed relationship! But am I over u? ....... ponders......

I was so tired due to lack of sleep of coz.... yet I told myself I must go to ABT class today! so with sleep deprivation, lack of glucose to the brain I was a zombie at the gym today.....

Rino today decide to do more on the thighs and butt..... ok check this out.... his class begins at 6.30pm.... breaking of fast was at 6.53 pm.... I was right in front as usual.... so by 6.45.... I was really low in glucose in the brain and I was sweating profusely!!!!! I told myself not to blank out in the class and the more I sweat! Rino was like.... "Dimas why are you sweating like that? Maintain ur posture!"... I was in lala land already..... then breaking of fast time... Rino was like "Ok 2 secs for me to break my fast.... Dimas please break your fast you're fasting right?" .... I almost died there n then man hahahahaha......

ok.... so the killer thighs workout was over then it was down to butt and abs..... so while doing the abs I did not really crunch all the way..... he came to me and started to punch my tummy and mind you he really punch me! I was really tortured today by his class! My whole body hurt as hell! But at least I have the peace of mind that I exercise!

Yupz..... finally I can breathe a sigh of relief..... 3 individual essays completed..... 2 project presentations next week also completed.... 1 group assay done..... 1 group essay on-going but I did my part.....

Now I can finally get on gear with revising for the exams....... hopefully my procrastinating can be thrown away so I can start studying as soon as I get back to the hostel coz all my books and readings are there!

Just finished Jason Tan's essay..... hopefully my sucking up to him will get me an A! HAHAHA I seriously thought it was a 2000 word essay but only to realise it's a 1200-1500 word essay..... got to re-edit some points as not to overshoot the word limit!

Ok went to the gym today at Bugis..... Hip Hop class with William again and finally he completed the routine for Destiny's Child's Lose My Breath..... his routines are so simple to follow.... I catch up very fast.... unlike Suhaimi's Hip Hop I'll be dancing all over the place! hahaha but today the routines are killers! coz we sort of have to get on our knees and now both my knee caps are blue-black! but it was super fun to let loose and dance my ass off! Seriously his class is super easy to follow .... now can go Hip Hop advance class HAHAAHAHAH yeah right!

Ok... now I'm so happy beyond bits! Assignments almost over and now can start gearing for the exams!!! Wohooo!!!!!

Today had lecture with Prof. Lum at 9.30 am..... let me tell all of you abt Prof Lum... he's such a nice guy.... it makes me wonder sometime whether if he is a professor! He kindda reminded me of our favourite Mr. Joshua Sng back in my poly days..... that's how nice he is....

Prof. Lum is very amiable..... there's just something in him which makes the bunch of us in Bio class likes abt him.... the way he shows interest, the expressions he makes when he talks and of coz his american accent!

Well when it comes to nice guys, people tend to step on their heads.... this is particularly true today..... I think Prof Lum really lost patience and I don't blame him instead I supported him!

You see, I'm sorry for name dropping here, but Cassandra, you totally deserve it just now. You have no idea how loud you were chatting amidst Prof. Lum lecture. And mind ou that is not the first time.... it's been going on for quite sometime. So when you keep repeating this kind of shit, the shit will ultimately blow into your face..... he has the right to chase you out of the class and he does it with class...... and the best thing is I've yet to hear you and the rest that went out said sorry to him......

The bunch of you were in the wrong..... so I suggest you better say sorry to him..... he has the right coz some of us are sitting there trying to get an education and there you all were talking like he's invincible!

There I've let out my piece of mind......

1. The coming semester exams (I've yet to revise!)

2. Not completing my assignments on time

3. Losing my loved ones....
4. Misplacing my gym stuffs!

5. Losing my friendship with this someone
6. Putting on weight!
7. Tripping and falling at hip hop class hahaha

1. GYM!
2. Body Combat

3. Hip hop classes
4. My iPod
5. my family

6. my 7 cardiac angels!

7. Sleeping! ( I'm so sleep deprived these days!)

7 Most Important Things In My Room
1. Lap top

2. TV and cable
3. Air Con!

4. toilet!

5. make up

6. aceessories

7. remote control! ( I'm a lazy ass at home!)

7 Random Facts About Me
1. I was a goodie-2-shoes in school..... but outside I'm a crazy girl!
2. I always day-dream about the ultimate perfect gentleman that doesn't exist in this world.
3. typical geminians are fickle minded.... that's why I tend to break many hearts....
4. I'm very fierce..... it's a side of me I don't like ppl to see....
5. I believe that nothing's impossible if you set your mind to do something.
6. I have this "dun mess with me attitude"... probably because I grew up without a dad and are protective of my mum and sister.

7. People tend to assume I'm 25 years old and older.... I hate that!

7 Things I Plan To Do Before I Die
1. SkyDiving
2. Bungee Jumping
3. Marry and have 15 kids... I intend to form a rugby team.... humping with carlos spencer will be a good idea HAHAHAHAHAH
4. Watch the All Blacks play
5. Drive a F1 car
6. Snog Prince William..... YEAH RIGHT!
7. Pierce me belly!

7 Things I Can Do
1. Dacing from cha cha, salsa, jive and hip hop .
2. play rugby
3. a good multi tasker though sometimes it can overwhelm me!
4. Body Combat!
5. Low Blow any men who tries to mess ard with me or me ladies!
6. Carry heavy barbells and dumbells at the gym! Record: Dumbell- 55 pounds Barbell - 75 pounds!
7. spending 8 hours at the gym in one day hahahaha

7 Things I Can't Do
1. I can't sing to save my life
2. I can't be Wonder women and save the world
3. I can't be there to be with a friend who's in need of my help that saddens me
4. I can't keep my mouth shut in Body Combat... I have to make noises in the class!
5. I Can't draw to save my life.
6. I can't cook to impress my future husband and his parents!
7. I can't do pull ups!

7 Words I Say The Most
1. Idiot!

2. FUCK!
3. Bloody hell!
4. What the.........
5. right..........
6. really?
7. and the most use of all..... CRAP!

7 Celeb Crushes
1. Michael Biehn
2. Sean Connery
3. Julian McMahon
4. Richard Gere
5. Jessica Alba
6. Angelina Jolie
7. J.Lo!

7 People I'll Love To See Doing This
1. Murni
2. Asraniza
3. Nitha
4. ....
5. ...
6. .....
7. .....

Yupz..... today is my sister's 23rd birthday.... I really had no idea what to get for her so I just bluntly asked her what she wanted for her birthday!


She wanted a rose quartz or what they called it a moon stone....a semi precious stone pendant.... So off I went to Taka after school today searching for this thing..... and it's bloody damn expensive! I bought her the pendent plus the chain for $81.....


After that we went to Cafe Vienna at Royal on Scotts Plaza to break our fast...... she was so happy I got ther the pendent..... hehehehe


HAppy Birthday sister!


Anyways yesterday I went to Raffles gym coz I wanted to go for Rino's ABT class..... The class starts at 6.30 and will only end at 7.30 so I definitely had to break my fast inside the class.... so when Rino arrive in the class straight away he came to me and ask whether I'm fasting or not..... that idiot of coz I am! yeah apparently he was fasting too and asked me to prompt him when it is time to break our fast..... Oh my god.... ABT during fasting seems super hard...... I kept telling myself the pain is all in the mind.... I almost gave up man hahahaha.....


Anyways after class ended I showered and changed to get back to hostel and when I return the towel to the counter Rino was there answering a call..... so both of us left the gym together..... he asked me to accompany him awhile coz he badly needed a smoke! and the best thing he even got the cheek to tell me he wanted to quit smoking! Yeah right! So we were outside The Arcade sitting by the stone benches..... and takling crap.... and of coz he was always full of himself calling himself a superstar coz Les Mills Body Training System wanted his biodata or some sort..... that crapper...... anyways he was heading Bugis while me Boon Lay..... He ask me to come for his class on Saturday...... well I want to go for Hip Hop at Bugis! We shall see what happen on Saturday then.....

Anyways I bought myself a new set of gym clothes!!! The temptations proved too much for me.... I bought a set of Reebok outfit..... it's a white long sleeve top with matching long white pants..... well I really wanted to buy the long sleeve top coz I'll be heading to Sri Lanka by the end of the year and they say the Sun there is unbearable...... well I got my top!! yeah!

I haven't been to the gym since last Friday when I last went for Rino's ABT class.....


This week fasting has kicked in and I was thinking of going to the gym for like only twice a week just for resistence training. But I have no time! On wednesday I intend to go to the gym for some weights training but I was caught with projects and also the street netball challenge. On Friday I badly so waned to go for Rino's ABT class but I was soooooo tired that I went home instead!


So today I made up my mind to go to the gym...... apparently I have to meet my AED 101 project grp mates at Bugis to settle our projects and what better than to visit the new Jackie Chan Sports Club?


Well, being a new gym all the equipments are super brand new and I have no idea how to work them hahahaha so I just did free weights.... initially I only wanted to go for William's Hip Hop class at 3.50 pm but by 2.20 pm I finished my workout..... So I decided to go for Body Combat with Darren at 2.40pm! Imagine I'm fasting and I went for Body Combat! So I was telling myself dun shout since I'm fasting.....but combat without shouting is so darn wrong! Darren was surprise I think to my quiteness today muhahahaha..... I had to conserve energy if I were to go for hip hop class later! Overall it wasn't too bad combat with Darren, my fasting didn't make much difference except I had to keep my mouth shut from shouting excessively! The crowd at Bugis is not as happening as Orchard.... Orchard club is still the best!


So after Darren's combat I still felt I got some energy left despite from fasting, so I stayed for William's Hip Hop class..... ok it was weird seeing William teach Hip Hop.... I always known him for Body Combat lessons..... his moves were quite easy to follow..... I was standing next to him coz nobody dared to stand in front! I caught the moves pretty quickly except for the bloody last part where I did a complete mess! hahaha even he saw it hahaha.... but all and all hip hop was fun....quite on the easy side compared to Suhaimi's class...... hehehehe

To all my Muslim friends........ selamat berpuasa di bulan ramadhan..... remember to fast, practice more patience and most impt to all those studying.....perseverence is the key!!!! hahahaha


ok..... this week is not that emotional for me....probably because I dun have to study for any quizzes but my assignments is yet to be completed...... I shall aim to complete individual essay by this week..... hopefully......


Over the weekends I had a good talk with my mom regarding my sister break up with her boyfriend..... My sister is a strong women..... she has picked herself up and now being an independent and more confident woman. I admire her independence for no man shall mess with her!!!! She told my mom that hopefully she'll find a man that is willing to settle down....... I hope that man will appear soon and make her happy.....


then my mom pose the same question to me..... she asked whether I have a bf at the moment and I replied her plainly that I have none! Then it sets me thinking, what kind of man will I let into my life? Is it gonna be like my sis, a man who's ready to settle down? Well..... I definitely want it to be a long term relationship that will eventually lead to kinship..... I guess that is why I'm afraid.... I'm afraid that if I were to be attached now I'll get heartbroken and it wouldn't be a long term thinghy..... When I love, I love with all my heart.... I hope too..... that's why being heartbroken is not something great.....it's a painful process...... At the same time..... my friends are telling me to take one step at a time..... dun think of the long term relationship 1st..... think abt now...... now I'm so confuse.....


Now come the topic abt "him". Ok, his name is Jansen....... What I can say is that I really like him...... I would say he's the rare few guys that I can really talk abt everything under the sky.... That's one of the traits that I like abt him..... Everytime he msgs me I would be so excited and my heart will beat faster..... this is really confusing me..... what is my heart telling me?!?!?!? What should I do..... I think I really got it bad.......